The Business of God

If a church isn't a business, why do they always make a time for the offering? Why do they play music, the ushers come out with the buckets, they pray that god will bless them many times over(that scripture about your cup runneth over), and mention the part about you tithing 10%? I have never been to a church that this hasn't been done. Also, in the biblical days of sacrificing your best 10% of your crops/animals to god, it was that you had a burnt offering or cut the throat of your lamb/calf, etc. So, no one was getting your goodies, they were being killed/burned up to show god that you were giving the best to him. When you put that big fat check in the offering plate, its going to the preacher, the church needs-program funds/salaries/rent/utilites/office costs-not directly to god. Which is all fine and dandy, because i know the church provides a service, and many programs and extracurriculars, to people who take part in them. However, they should just say that. If anyone feels compelled to give, they know they can approach the pastor or staff and hand them a check.
You can't help but feel a little swindled.


Merging 101

Open letter to all Missourians, or Kansans or Oklahomans who might be merging on I44:

Merging is when you have the intention of getting on the freeway, getting on the onramp, and then STEPPING ON THE FUCKING GAS and making a smooth transition into traffic while doing the speed of said traffic. Do not slow down because you're afraid of the big semi a half a mile away. I should not see brake lights. Do not start to merge, get freaked out, and then slow down on the shoulder. Do not, under any circumstances, STOP IN THE LANE. When you do that, I honk and flash my lights, and get up nice and close to your ass. I know this is counterproductive, as it seems to make you peer into your side mirror with a terrified look that says "I'm about to get rear-ended", which in turn causes you to delay us further. I would love to get out of the Jeep and beat your head into the steering wheel, believe me. You should be shot. What the fuck are you doing trying to get on the freeway if you're too scared? Take the back roads, you ignorant asshole. You could kill someone. Give up your keys-you no longer know how to drive competently. No, we are all not going to fast. You're going too slow. Give your car to your grandkids, for fucks sake.



I'm eating my birthday present

My dad, who has not given me a birthday present since I was like 14, FedEx'd me a pizza for my birthday. Since he lives in Illinois, and I live in Missouri, I only get my favorite pizza about 4 times a year when I go up to visit. This pizza is some sort of culinary masterpiece, and I swear I can literally taste it when I'm craving it. It's from Ed & Joe's in Tinley Park, IL, so if you're anywhere near there, go get some. I think the first time I had it I was about 2, and recently, my 2 year old had his first bite of Ed & Joe's. I shoulda made a scrapbook page for it!