Merging 101

Open letter to all Missourians, or Kansans or Oklahomans who might be merging on I44:

Merging is when you have the intention of getting on the freeway, getting on the onramp, and then STEPPING ON THE FUCKING GAS and making a smooth transition into traffic while doing the speed of said traffic. Do not slow down because you're afraid of the big semi a half a mile away. I should not see brake lights. Do not start to merge, get freaked out, and then slow down on the shoulder. Do not, under any circumstances, STOP IN THE LANE. When you do that, I honk and flash my lights, and get up nice and close to your ass. I know this is counterproductive, as it seems to make you peer into your side mirror with a terrified look that says "I'm about to get rear-ended", which in turn causes you to delay us further. I would love to get out of the Jeep and beat your head into the steering wheel, believe me. You should be shot. What the fuck are you doing trying to get on the freeway if you're too scared? Take the back roads, you ignorant asshole. You could kill someone. Give up your keys-you no longer know how to drive competently. No, we are all not going to fast. You're going too slow. Give your car to your grandkids, for fucks sake.



At 9:20 AM, Blogger FiveTone said...

I'm continually amazed by those who don't understand the concept of merging. They don't understand that it's impossible to merge when your going 0 MPH. They don't understand that on ramps are designed to allow drivers to get up to the speed of traffic and seamlessly blend in. We have on ramps in Chicago that merge into the left hand lane, the fast lane, so I see this a lot. Morons.


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